I wonder if he knows just how incredible he is. I wonder if he knows that he was a beautiful, unexpected, incredible gift to his dad and me. I wonder if he knows that the creative spark he has in him, that burst of energy that says, "Start something new" didn't come from either of us, so it must have been placed deep within him by God. I wonder if he knows that beyond the boundaries of today lies great purpose, big challenges and unforeseeable promise.
I wonder if he knows that all those times he has messed up in life will be outshadowed by all the great things he will someday do. I wonder if he knows that God measures his character, and seeing beyond all of his faults, has destined him for a greater purpose. I wonder if he knows that this "calling" also calls him to live each day with purpose.
I wonder if he knows that he has so much to offer someone who really wants him, who will really love him, and who will never hurt him or want to hurt him. I wonder if he knows that out there in this big world is the woman that God has created to complete him. I wonder if he knows that the first step out of darkness is also the first step toward that someone, the first step toward light. I wonder if he knows he deserves that kind of love?
I wonder if he knows that he can trust again, trust God, trust love, trust people. I wonder if he knows that by trusting, he can finally let go of the past and embrace the future.
I wonder if he could possibly fathom how much he is loved by those who are closest to him.
All that to say, I wonder if he knows.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
My Friend, Helen
Helen and I met at church, where I was the Children's Pastor and she was a volunteer. We struck up an immediate friendship because she had the most infectious laugh known to man. She was the kind of person that just lit up a room with her laugh.
Helen was always getting on to me and telling me that I was naughty (which, of course, was TOTALLY not true . . .) and that I was a bad influence on her, and didn't I KNOW that I was a CHILDREN'S PASTOR and there were certain expectations of my behavior. Again, I don't know WHY she said such things to me.
One time, we were walking into church from the parking lot, where they had recently poured these huge concrete speed bumps. To be safe, they had painted them bright yellow so people wouldn't trip over them. So as we were walking, Helen approached the BRIGHT YELLOW speed bump and just went FLYING over it. I know I shouldn't have laughed, but it was funny. I mean, one second we were talking, and the next, Helen was airborne! She did skin herself up pretty badly, so I felt bad for laughing, but she laughed too, which made me laugh all the harder because as I mentioned before she had a very infectious laugh.
That afternoon, when I got to AWANA (where she volunteered), she took my Sparky pin (it's a little mascot character for AWANA) and turned him upside-down and said that until I did a good deed, I had to leave my Sparky upside down. She said that was my punishment for laughing at her in the parking lot. From that day forward, anytime I didn't something she considered "naughty" she would turn my Sparky upside-down.
Fast forward several years, when Mike and I were moving to Georgia. She made me a beautiful red scarf, attached an upside-down Sparky to it, and told me that she wanted to give me something that would always remind me of her, my "Upside-Down Sparky Friend." I still have that scarf, which does always remind me of her, but I have so many other things that remind me of her as well.
Yesterday, my upside-down Sparky friend went to be with Jesus after a lengthy battle with cancer.
All that to say, I love you Helen. Have fun at Jesus' birthday party and I will see you when I get there.
Helen was always getting on to me and telling me that I was naughty (which, of course, was TOTALLY not true . . .) and that I was a bad influence on her, and didn't I KNOW that I was a CHILDREN'S PASTOR and there were certain expectations of my behavior. Again, I don't know WHY she said such things to me.
One time, we were walking into church from the parking lot, where they had recently poured these huge concrete speed bumps. To be safe, they had painted them bright yellow so people wouldn't trip over them. So as we were walking, Helen approached the BRIGHT YELLOW speed bump and just went FLYING over it. I know I shouldn't have laughed, but it was funny. I mean, one second we were talking, and the next, Helen was airborne! She did skin herself up pretty badly, so I felt bad for laughing, but she laughed too, which made me laugh all the harder because as I mentioned before she had a very infectious laugh.
That afternoon, when I got to AWANA (where she volunteered), she took my Sparky pin (it's a little mascot character for AWANA) and turned him upside-down and said that until I did a good deed, I had to leave my Sparky upside down. She said that was my punishment for laughing at her in the parking lot. From that day forward, anytime I didn't something she considered "naughty" she would turn my Sparky upside-down.
Fast forward several years, when Mike and I were moving to Georgia. She made me a beautiful red scarf, attached an upside-down Sparky to it, and told me that she wanted to give me something that would always remind me of her, my "Upside-Down Sparky Friend." I still have that scarf, which does always remind me of her, but I have so many other things that remind me of her as well.
Yesterday, my upside-down Sparky friend went to be with Jesus after a lengthy battle with cancer.
All that to say, I love you Helen. Have fun at Jesus' birthday party and I will see you when I get there.
Monday, November 9, 2009
A Series of Choices
"Every day is a series of choices." I say this almost every day to myself and to others. I used to say, "Every day is a choice," but I realized that isn't correct. That sounds like you wake up, you make one choice, and you're done for the day. As though that one choice will be all you have to make for the entire day, and you will be set. Those of you who are more spiritual than I might argue that if I awakened and said, "Today, I choose to live a life that is completely led by God" then my choice-making would be complete. I argue, however, that even in that, I will find myself throughout the day having to make choice upon choice upon choice.
Each day we, I, you are faced with a myriad of small choices. Will I get up when the alarm goes off, or will I push the snooze button? Will I call in sick, or will I go to work? Will I eat a healthy breakfast or skip it all together? Will I try to make it to work on the gas in my car, or will I play it safe and fill it up? There are probably thousands of these types of choices that we make every single solitary day of our lives. And these are the easy choices!
Each day we, I, you are faced with much weightier choices as well. Will I interfere in this situation, or will I trust God with these details? Will I harbor bitterness and unforgiveness, or will I freely forgive others? Will I continue to be angry, or will I release myself from the bondage of my anger? Indeed, will I choose bondage or freedom? Because ultimately, that's what my choices will lead me to, either bondage or freedom.
David said it this way in the book of Psalms, "I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post Your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever You tell me; God, don't let me down! I'll run the course You lay out for me if You'll just show me how."
He's saying (I think), "God, today I am on a journey to somewhere. Throughout this day, I am going to come to curves and corners, and I am going to have to make a series of choices about which way I go. And making the right choice isn't going to be easy. I'm going to have to grasp and cling to you in order to make the right choice. Don't let me down, God. I will make the right choice. But I can't do it without you."
All that to say, "Every day is a series of choices." Our journey to somewhere can be so long and so hard somedays. The curves seem bigger, the corners seem tighter and more treacherous, and the road seems longer. On those days, especially on those days, I choose to grasp and cling to the One who knows how to get me where I am going.
Each day we, I, you are faced with a myriad of small choices. Will I get up when the alarm goes off, or will I push the snooze button? Will I call in sick, or will I go to work? Will I eat a healthy breakfast or skip it all together? Will I try to make it to work on the gas in my car, or will I play it safe and fill it up? There are probably thousands of these types of choices that we make every single solitary day of our lives. And these are the easy choices!
Each day we, I, you are faced with much weightier choices as well. Will I interfere in this situation, or will I trust God with these details? Will I harbor bitterness and unforgiveness, or will I freely forgive others? Will I continue to be angry, or will I release myself from the bondage of my anger? Indeed, will I choose bondage or freedom? Because ultimately, that's what my choices will lead me to, either bondage or freedom.
David said it this way in the book of Psalms, "I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post Your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever You tell me; God, don't let me down! I'll run the course You lay out for me if You'll just show me how."
He's saying (I think), "God, today I am on a journey to somewhere. Throughout this day, I am going to come to curves and corners, and I am going to have to make a series of choices about which way I go. And making the right choice isn't going to be easy. I'm going to have to grasp and cling to you in order to make the right choice. Don't let me down, God. I will make the right choice. But I can't do it without you."
All that to say, "Every day is a series of choices." Our journey to somewhere can be so long and so hard somedays. The curves seem bigger, the corners seem tighter and more treacherous, and the road seems longer. On those days, especially on those days, I choose to grasp and cling to the One who knows how to get me where I am going.
Friday, October 30, 2009
It is for Freedom
A week or so ago I was living my life like some sort of caged animal. I could see what I wanted, or what I thought I needed, but events and circumstance of my life made me feel trapped. I felt like I was reliving a familiar story again, and again, and again. I was knee-deep in a situation that I could not, nay should not, control and I felt helpless to extricate myself from it.
Then one morning as I was praying, I read this verse from Galatians 5. It says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." A simple verse, yes, and one that I have read many, many times, but on THIS day, the verse seemed complex, weighty, incredibly deep and life altering. So I read it again. . . "It is for freedom that Christ HAS set us free."
Christ HAS set us . . . me . . . free. Not Christ "Will" set me free, but He has set me free. I am already free. Any bondage I choose to live in is of my own choosing. Paul, in Galatians, says we should live freely. He means "choose freedom." And he means for us to choose it every day. Each day we get to choose freedom or bondage. It's a conscious choice and it has life giving results. He says,
"My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness."
And the compulsions of selfishness he lists are horrendous. Galatians 5
All that to say, I have already been set free. Now, the challenge is to live free. It is for freedom that I have been set free.
Then one morning as I was praying, I read this verse from Galatians 5. It says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." A simple verse, yes, and one that I have read many, many times, but on THIS day, the verse seemed complex, weighty, incredibly deep and life altering. So I read it again. . . "It is for freedom that Christ HAS set us free."
Christ HAS set us . . . me . . . free. Not Christ "Will" set me free, but He has set me free. I am already free. Any bondage I choose to live in is of my own choosing. Paul, in Galatians, says we should live freely. He means "choose freedom." And he means for us to choose it every day. Each day we get to choose freedom or bondage. It's a conscious choice and it has life giving results. He says,
"My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness."
And the compulsions of selfishness he lists are horrendous. Galatians 5
All that to say, I have already been set free. Now, the challenge is to live free. It is for freedom that I have been set free.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Better Living
I have decided that life is something we either choose to live or to survive. I think what made me think this today is that I was looking back through my road trip pictures and realized that most everything we enjoyed was simple life stuff. Sure we enjoyed the museums and the beautiful scenery, but mostly we enjoyed one another.
The things we laughed at the most were just normal things. We laughed about getting caught in the rain, and riding on the subway, and discovering that our windows rolled down in the car. We laughed about getting parking tickets and cows in open fields and horse poop. We people watched and laughed at our own stupidity over people watching.
We savored our meals together and enjoyed really simple foods as much as we did rich fattening ones. We were goofy and gave up being critical and laughed 'til our sides hurt over our own shortcomings. A trip to Walmart was a chance to enjoy one another's company. Wrong turns were cause for laughter and getting lost was just another adventure.
I think we're supposed to enjoy life that way. We could have chosen to get mad over ruined shoes and rain storms. We could have gotten angry over wrong turns in the middle of the night and getting lost even with the help of a navigation system.
But instead, we chose joy. We chose laughter. We chose to enjoy one another and our time together.
All that to say, what if we lived every day like that? What if each day, I chose joy? Better living comes with better choices.
The things we laughed at the most were just normal things. We laughed about getting caught in the rain, and riding on the subway, and discovering that our windows rolled down in the car. We laughed about getting parking tickets and cows in open fields and horse poop. We people watched and laughed at our own stupidity over people watching.
We savored our meals together and enjoyed really simple foods as much as we did rich fattening ones. We were goofy and gave up being critical and laughed 'til our sides hurt over our own shortcomings. A trip to Walmart was a chance to enjoy one another's company. Wrong turns were cause for laughter and getting lost was just another adventure.
I think we're supposed to enjoy life that way. We could have chosen to get mad over ruined shoes and rain storms. We could have gotten angry over wrong turns in the middle of the night and getting lost even with the help of a navigation system.
But instead, we chose joy. We chose laughter. We chose to enjoy one another and our time together.
All that to say, what if we lived every day like that? What if each day, I chose joy? Better living comes with better choices.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Aunts
I just returned from a 5 day road trip with two of my sister-in-laws and my mother-in-law. We gave my mother-in-law the trip as her 75th birthday present/Christmas present. I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard, for so long, for so many days in a row. Laughter really is good medicine.
There is no real way to blog about all 5 days and effectively tell the story, so I will try to just give you the highlights.
On our first day, we arrived in Philadelphia and headed toward Harrisburg where we would spend our first night. The only real plans we had (in concrete) for day one was to stop at Trader Joe's and the local wine shop. Right off the bat, Corri started causing trouble, either that or the locals just didn't like redheads, because as we were leaving Trader Joes, an old woman started backing out her car, COMPLETELY ignoring the fact that Deb was already backing out. Corri looked back at the woman (whom I am guessing did not like Corri's look) and the old woman flipped her off! The old woman had to be in her 70's, which made us laugh! Later in the day, when we were in Intercourse, PA, I saw someone flip someone else off, and our Carriage Tour Guide said that just meant "Welcome to Intercourse." We laughed again, and from that point forward, anytime someone was grouchy (or I couldn't get people to smile for a photo) I would just say, "Welcome to Intercourse!" and everyone would laugh.
"WELCOME TO INTERCOURSE!"
On Day two, we had a leisurely breakfast at our hotel (where Sharon made fun of me for how much breakfast I was eating . . . a waffle, some scrambled eggs and bacon . . . not really THAT much food, but whatever!) and headed out to the Hershey factory. Any day that begins with a place called "CHOCOLATE WORLD" is going to be a good day. We had our picture put on the cover of a Hershey bar, and I shared this secret I heard that if you stand on the end of the group being photographed, and put your hand on your hip, it will make you look really thin. When the picture came out, everyone exclaimed how thin I looked and Sharon said, "You should have that blown up b/c that's the best you're gonna look!" More laughter (why does she keep picking on me"!) We had a lot of fun in Hershey, PA and then headed back to Intercourse to find some quilt shops. Corri is not a fan of quilting, so the quilt shops were not the highlight of her trip, but we managed to help her have fun anyway. And we also managed to spend a lot of money on some really beautiful fabrics (WHICH by the way caused us to have to go buy an extra suitcase to get it all home)!
On Day Three, we were scheduled to go to DC to see the Smithsonian but the weather was supposed to be horrible, very very rainy! But we decided to brave the weather, ride the metro from Frederick, MA to DC and check out the National Museum of American History. Deb kept telling us that the neighborhood where she grew up was in the Museum b/c it was the first subdivision in the United States. (This fact, along with the fact that she is related to Jared Ingersoll, Signer of the Constitution, was her claim to fame on the trip). I could not help but point out that my claim to fame was significantly greater than hers, b/c my 5th Great Uncle was also in the museum because he was one of THE PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES!
Right when we had to leave DC to catch our train, a serious downpour came, and we had to cross Pennsylvania Avenue in the pouring rain! What a sight we must have been! Deb carried one umbrella and Sharon's oxygen, Corri ran in a raincoat with all our purchases stuffed under it, and I carried three purses while holding a broken umbrella over Sharon and I, who was trying to run with a walker in the pouring rain while crossing an INCREDIBLY large street! We laughed so hard when we got across the street. And pretty much instantly it stopped raining.
To top off that day, when we got to the train it was packed, and people were literally shoved up against the walls, doors, seats, one another. It was crazy! The doors even closed on one guy's backpack! At the first stop this massively large man, who was smashed into the back of Corri yelled, "I'm coming out!" and literally shoved his way out of the train. Corri was so mad, I thought she was gonna follow him out and kick his butt. I believe she could have done it!
Day Four was fairly subdued. We went to visit Gettysburg. Deb kept telling us there was a beautiful park there with gorgeous trees and monuments. Every time she described it to someone at the visitor center, no one seemed to know what she was talking about. Finally, we stumbled upon it. Turns out it was a CEMETERY! But it was beautiful (in her defense). Beyond that, unless you count the run in with the local law, and the chair stealing incident, the GPS giving us bad directions, and the midnight run to Walmart to buy extra suitcases, it was a mellow day.
"CAN I HUG MY FRIEND?"
Day Five started a little rough, with Sharon waking up sick. She pulled it together though and we were able to go to Philly for one last day of sightseeing. Before we left the hotel, Corri and I made several trips to the fitness room with our luggage to weigh it all!(Phew, everything under 50 pounds!) Then we went to Historical old Philly, visited Jared Ingersoll's grave (remember, he's why Deb is famous)ate a cheesesteak, and headed to the airport. I had never eaten a cheesesteak before. It was surprisingly very good!
"
All that to say, we had such a great time! I am exhausted, but refreshed, if that makes any sense at all. We have decided that we have to do this every year. I can just picture us all being a bunch of old ladies taking our annual trip to somewhere. It won't matter where because we will be going together.
There is no real way to blog about all 5 days and effectively tell the story, so I will try to just give you the highlights.
On our first day, we arrived in Philadelphia and headed toward Harrisburg where we would spend our first night. The only real plans we had (in concrete) for day one was to stop at Trader Joe's and the local wine shop. Right off the bat, Corri started causing trouble, either that or the locals just didn't like redheads, because as we were leaving Trader Joes, an old woman started backing out her car, COMPLETELY ignoring the fact that Deb was already backing out. Corri looked back at the woman (whom I am guessing did not like Corri's look) and the old woman flipped her off! The old woman had to be in her 70's, which made us laugh! Later in the day, when we were in Intercourse, PA, I saw someone flip someone else off, and our Carriage Tour Guide said that just meant "Welcome to Intercourse." We laughed again, and from that point forward, anytime someone was grouchy (or I couldn't get people to smile for a photo) I would just say, "Welcome to Intercourse!" and everyone would laugh.
"WELCOME TO INTERCOURSE!"
On Day two, we had a leisurely breakfast at our hotel (where Sharon made fun of me for how much breakfast I was eating . . . a waffle, some scrambled eggs and bacon . . . not really THAT much food, but whatever!) and headed out to the Hershey factory. Any day that begins with a place called "CHOCOLATE WORLD" is going to be a good day. We had our picture put on the cover of a Hershey bar, and I shared this secret I heard that if you stand on the end of the group being photographed, and put your hand on your hip, it will make you look really thin. When the picture came out, everyone exclaimed how thin I looked and Sharon said, "You should have that blown up b/c that's the best you're gonna look!" More laughter (why does she keep picking on me"!) We had a lot of fun in Hershey, PA and then headed back to Intercourse to find some quilt shops. Corri is not a fan of quilting, so the quilt shops were not the highlight of her trip, but we managed to help her have fun anyway. And we also managed to spend a lot of money on some really beautiful fabrics (WHICH by the way caused us to have to go buy an extra suitcase to get it all home)!
On Day Three, we were scheduled to go to DC to see the Smithsonian but the weather was supposed to be horrible, very very rainy! But we decided to brave the weather, ride the metro from Frederick, MA to DC and check out the National Museum of American History. Deb kept telling us that the neighborhood where she grew up was in the Museum b/c it was the first subdivision in the United States. (This fact, along with the fact that she is related to Jared Ingersoll, Signer of the Constitution, was her claim to fame on the trip). I could not help but point out that my claim to fame was significantly greater than hers, b/c my 5th Great Uncle was also in the museum because he was one of THE PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES!
Right when we had to leave DC to catch our train, a serious downpour came, and we had to cross Pennsylvania Avenue in the pouring rain! What a sight we must have been! Deb carried one umbrella and Sharon's oxygen, Corri ran in a raincoat with all our purchases stuffed under it, and I carried three purses while holding a broken umbrella over Sharon and I, who was trying to run with a walker in the pouring rain while crossing an INCREDIBLY large street! We laughed so hard when we got across the street. And pretty much instantly it stopped raining.
To top off that day, when we got to the train it was packed, and people were literally shoved up against the walls, doors, seats, one another. It was crazy! The doors even closed on one guy's backpack! At the first stop this massively large man, who was smashed into the back of Corri yelled, "I'm coming out!" and literally shoved his way out of the train. Corri was so mad, I thought she was gonna follow him out and kick his butt. I believe she could have done it!
Day Four was fairly subdued. We went to visit Gettysburg. Deb kept telling us there was a beautiful park there with gorgeous trees and monuments. Every time she described it to someone at the visitor center, no one seemed to know what she was talking about. Finally, we stumbled upon it. Turns out it was a CEMETERY! But it was beautiful (in her defense). Beyond that, unless you count the run in with the local law, and the chair stealing incident, the GPS giving us bad directions, and the midnight run to Walmart to buy extra suitcases, it was a mellow day.
"CAN I HUG MY FRIEND?"
Day Five started a little rough, with Sharon waking up sick. She pulled it together though and we were able to go to Philly for one last day of sightseeing. Before we left the hotel, Corri and I made several trips to the fitness room with our luggage to weigh it all!(Phew, everything under 50 pounds!) Then we went to Historical old Philly, visited Jared Ingersoll's grave (remember, he's why Deb is famous)ate a cheesesteak, and headed to the airport. I had never eaten a cheesesteak before. It was surprisingly very good!
"All that to say, we had such a great time! I am exhausted, but refreshed, if that makes any sense at all. We have decided that we have to do this every year. I can just picture us all being a bunch of old ladies taking our annual trip to somewhere. It won't matter where because we will be going together.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
This One's For You Tina
I remember the first time I "recall" her. It was on the rec field at 220, and she and another super cute girl showed up with fancy "Texas" hair, all kinds of jewelry, and looking ready for a lot of things, but definitely NOT rec! What a funny memory.
Her first remembrance of me is me speaking at a girl's retreat weekend called "Dear Diary" put on by Shauna Maness. I was undressing on stage and talking about all the things I didn't like about my body (which was not at ALL the point of the lesson, but sadly the part she remembers).
So, our first recollections of one another have to do with her being all dressed up, and me getting naked. This does not make for a good start to a relationship. :)
But today is her birthday, and I wanted to honor her in my blog. So here goes.
You are a funny girl. You make me laugh out loud, lots of times. Like the time you came out of the bathroom at Pappacito's and yelled halfway across the restaurant, "Carol, what are you getting?" and then when the WHOLE table made the "talk softer" hand signal, you got all shy again and said, "Oh, was I loud?" And then there was the time we were all playing dominoes and you looked at my dad and said, "Stop beeping me Gordy." I am sure both of these encounters are not funny to anyone reading this, except for the people who were there, but trust me, it was funny.
You are a sensitive girl. You defend everyone and it is endearing. You always say things like, "I'm sure they didn't mean it like that. They have a good heart. They just were raised differently."
You want everyone to be happy. Which is a nice quality . . . just be careful not to be tooooooooo concerned with everyone else's emotional condition! It'll suck the life out of you eventually!
You have a good sense of style. And I am reasonably sure you have never had a bad hair day! And if you did have a bad hair day, you could just put a headband on and another necklace and it would be a good hair day! (I don't actually like this quality about you for the record. Please, just once, could you look bad!)
All that to say, Happy Birthday to you. Oh, and I took your birthday purse. I liked it.
Her first remembrance of me is me speaking at a girl's retreat weekend called "Dear Diary" put on by Shauna Maness. I was undressing on stage and talking about all the things I didn't like about my body (which was not at ALL the point of the lesson, but sadly the part she remembers).
So, our first recollections of one another have to do with her being all dressed up, and me getting naked. This does not make for a good start to a relationship. :)
But today is her birthday, and I wanted to honor her in my blog. So here goes.
You are a funny girl. You make me laugh out loud, lots of times. Like the time you came out of the bathroom at Pappacito's and yelled halfway across the restaurant, "Carol, what are you getting?" and then when the WHOLE table made the "talk softer" hand signal, you got all shy again and said, "Oh, was I loud?" And then there was the time we were all playing dominoes and you looked at my dad and said, "Stop beeping me Gordy." I am sure both of these encounters are not funny to anyone reading this, except for the people who were there, but trust me, it was funny.
You are a sensitive girl. You defend everyone and it is endearing. You always say things like, "I'm sure they didn't mean it like that. They have a good heart. They just were raised differently."
You want everyone to be happy. Which is a nice quality . . . just be careful not to be tooooooooo concerned with everyone else's emotional condition! It'll suck the life out of you eventually!
You have a good sense of style. And I am reasonably sure you have never had a bad hair day! And if you did have a bad hair day, you could just put a headband on and another necklace and it would be a good hair day! (I don't actually like this quality about you for the record. Please, just once, could you look bad!)
All that to say, Happy Birthday to you. Oh, and I took your birthday purse. I liked it.
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